Chi City Chick

2012: Welcome! Make Yourself More Comfortable...

2012-01-01T14:56:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year Everyone!

With this being my first official post of the new year, Ithought what better way to start things off than with a prayer. So…

Heavenly Father,

Thank You. With another year added to our experience, therearen’t enough words to genuinely thank You for the blessing that is Your mercy,Your grace, and Your love. There is nothing that we have done by our own meritto deserve such unyielding, all encompassing, life changing mercy. You are awonderful, glorious, and all magnificent Lord. Thank You for the power of theblood that covers our days, and the blessing of the Spirit to lead our paths.

We enter this new calendar year with zeal and excitement.Though the calendar reflects a new beginning, we know that through You thechances for new opportunities is boundless, limitless, and unrestricted. Allthings are possible through you Lord God which truly takes our breath away aswe enter this year in the spirit of a new beginning. We pray asking that youshow up and show out this year Lord God! Present Yourself in our lives in a waythat no one would be able to question the Author of our destinies, the WayMaker, the Teacher, and Leader of our lives. Thank You for being Bold, beingSTRONG, and being You!

In Jesus name we thank You for 2012, Amen!!!

Alright, so this year instead of creating resolutions, I decided to make goals for 2012. I'm really excited about this year because I have some major moves, decisions, and opportunities head of me. Here's what I've come up with so far:

1. Strengthen my relationship with God

2. Have the absolute best wedding humanly possible

2b. Learn to live with my future husband and build a solid foundation for our marriage (reality show opportunity?)

3. Get a job!

4. Finally get my license.... (I've been saying this for years!)

5. Create a realistic healthy lifestyle

6. Etc...

You get the point. Rather than starting the year by telling yourself what not to do, or whats wrong with you, create realistic goals for yourself that will promote personal growth. The first step out of your routine is always going to be the toughest, but it's absolutely possible.

Here's praying that God blesses you with His very best!

Beyonce Halloween Costume

2011-10-26T21:01:00.002-05:00

There's no better time to talk about creating a Beyonce inspired Halloween costume than the same day she drops a video for her single "Party".

Beyonce Halloween Costume by chicitychick featuring long post earrings

Forever21 short dress
$25 - forever21.com

ALDO high heels
$80 - aldoshoes.com

Kenneth Jay Lane long post earrings
$95 - zappos.com

In my personal opinion dressing up like Beyonce for Halloween would be the best costume EVER! It allows you to be as grandiose, colorful, flamboyant, and divalicious as can be! The look above is the "typical" Beyonce look. You can pair any mini-dress (Freakum Dress) with a pair of sky high heels, and you're half way done with the look. The look starts to come together with the addition of accessories.

Beyonce loves big earrings, and statement making pieces. You can load up the bangles and bracelets for this one; have fun with it!

Makeup should be equally as festive. For those who are makeup challenged like myself, below please find an awesome Youtube tutorial by XXTheIslandBeautyXX for a Beyonce inspired smokey eye.

For giggles you can throw a pillow under your dress and go as the current "with child" version of Beyonce. Add a voluminous blond wig to the mix and a fake mic, and your costume is almost done. What's missing you may ask. Well you have to have the attitude to match the aesthetic. Women love Beyonce because through her music you can't help but to feel strong and sexy. Though you're portraying a character, never forget the power that you possess as an individual. <3

I hope this helped. Stay tuned for more Halloween costume ideas!

Enjoy the new video "Party!"

Tuskegee Airmen Halloween Costume

2011-10-23T14:49:00.001-05:00

I grew up in a household where Halloween costumes were made to be creative ventures into the fabulous world of make believe. They were also constructed from items we had around the house (which says a lot about our house). In elementary school I was a little bit of everything, from Mortisha Adams (The Adams Family), to an Egyptian queen (a la MJ's Remember The Time video), to an elaborate geisha.

As I've gotten older, I've noticed that creativity seems to be lacking in regard to great costume ideas for African Americans. So to follow is my very small list of costume ideas that you should try this year (purposely left off the list are Lil Wayne & Nicky Minaj, cause let's admit it, we've seen enough of that buffoonery every other day during the year).

First up: Tuskegee Airmen Costume

Tusegee Airmen Halloween Costume by chicitychick featuring Mentor boots

Jacket
£4.99 - dressrail.com

Victoria s Secret legging
$60 - victoriassecret.com

Mentor boots
$314 - my-wardrobe.com

Hat
$95 - lordandtaylor.com

Ray-Ban sunglasses
$139 - ray-ban.com

Facebook Doesn't Deserve To Know Everything About Me

2011-10-03T00:08:00.000-05:00

“…You would never know you were in a relationship based onyour Facebook profile.” “Yeah, I know.”

We’ve all seen it: those couple of people on Facebook thattreat the social media website like a public diary. They spill all of their thoughts,feelings, problems, and fascinations out to the world no matter how intimate orinappropriate. And there’s always that one person that writes cryptic messageswhere no one really knows what they’re talking about or who they’re talking to,yet people click “like” on their status anyway (only adding fuel to the fire).Well unlike the aforementioned Facebook personalities, through trial and error,I’ve learned to take the Beyonce approach to social media: keep my privatelife, private!

I was once one of those girls who shouted out a significantother in a relationship status, published every picture we had ever taken, andshared my relationship with the world (do you know how much of a hassle it isremoving/deleting material online after a breakup?). The problem is when youopen that door allowing people to observe your relationship, you also invitethem to create an opinion and have a voice for what they think is right orwrong with YOUR relationship. Now don’t get me wrong, I love sharing theblissful and wonderfully beautiful events of my life, but I’m not one forcaring what other people have to say about my affairs.

You’d be amazed what people use Facebook for. It’s not justused for catching up with old friends anymore. These days with a few keystrokesalmost anything can be found on the World Wide Web. After browsing throughsomeone’s profile pictures you almost know their whole life’s story: who theydated, the parties they attended in college, their family, where they’vetraveled, etc. I’m not ashamed to admit that there are some moments in my lifethat I’d rather not have published for the world to see; let call those“learning lessons”.

All in all I’d rather if someone had questions about my lifethat they’re forced to ask me directly rather than find the answer on Facebook.#justsaying

Pregnancy Is Swagastic?

2011-10-02T11:06:00.001-05:00

While in an interview for 106 & Park, world renowned entertainer Beyonce was asked about her pregnancy, to which she responded:

"I think it’s the most empowering thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I feel so fortunate and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I was more nervous a couple months ago. Now I’m just, I feel lucky. There’s nothing more swag than being a mother."

Now, no one was more excited than I was about the future Bey-Z spawn than I when I heard the news (I was close to recreating a registry for them at Target). But I'm curious to know how Beyonce's comment was perceived by the youth that watch 106 & Park. It's understandable for the entertainer to spread the joyful news of her pregnancy (come on! when have you seen her happier?) but the syntax of the above comment bothers me, especially in combination with the youth demographic that 106 & Park caters to. "There's nothing more swag than being a mother"? Really? I understand what Beyonce was trying to convey, but I just believe there was a much better way for her to say it.

Am I being too sensitive? What do you think?

Music 101: Gospel Comes From Everywhere

2011-08-17T21:41:00.000-05:00

Totally didn't realize that Mary Mary sampled this for their hit song Walking!

Check it out!

Good Morning Love!

2011-06-10T08:00:00.001-05:00

Good Morning Love!

2011-06-09T08:00:00.001-05:00

Good Morning Love!

2011-06-08T08:00:00.001-05:00

Good Morning Love!

2011-06-07T08:00:00.001-05:00

Good Morning Love!

2011-06-06T08:00:00.003-05:00

How Lloyd Banks and Beyonce Saved My Life

2011-05-30T11:57:00.001-05:00

As warmer weather finally makes its way to the Windy City, I find myself at the gym more and more (gotta look right before putting away my sweaters and jackets). Due to the frequency of my workouts my playlist gets stale rather quickly (see current playlist below). I never thought I'd say this, but I'm a tired of Rihanna and Lloyd Bank's Start It Up was the best thing ever introduced to my ears (in my humble opinion).

I'm always in search of something new and upbeat to listen to. So my question to you is: what songs keep you motivated while working out?

Good Morning!

2011-03-29T07:12:00.000-05:00

Was Trey Right? Is It Best Not To Be Friends??

2011-03-28T21:55:00.001-05:00

While out to dinner with my boyfriend the other night, we spotted an interesting couple a few tables away. The manager of the establishment had spent over an hour at the table talking about literature and what not, so the impression was made that these were “important” people. The “husband” had lost interest in the conversation early on, but the “wife” hung on to the manager’s every word. This dynamic sparked an interesting conversation at our table.

Boyfriend: …He’s interested in the wife.

Me: No he’s not! …How can you tell??

Boyfriend: It’s easy to see Baby.

Me: …I don’t see it!

BF: I know when another man is trying to hit on my women. It’s happening right in front of that man’s face.

Me: I don’t think the manager would be that bold.

BF: Well…I’ve had my share of conversations with women...

Me: And??!

BF: Believe me. He’s interested…and so is she.

Me: Well, what if they’re just friends?

BF: There’s no such thing as “just friends”.

Me: What do you mean??

BF: Well, I would say a guy and a girl could only be friends if they grew up together but…even that’s risky.

Me: The Dawson’s Creek effect…yeah I could see that.

BF: There’s always a point in the relationship where the guy, at least at one time, was attracted to his female friend.

Me: So? That doesn’t guarantee anything would happen.

BF: It doesn’t, but it means that the guy has other motives. If a guy and a girl are in constant contact, there’s something there more than friendship. If it’s more infrequent but you still say “hey” then it’s a friendship.

Me: So there’s no possible way two people of the opposite sex could be friends?

BF: …Let me put it this way: if he only talks to you when he’s single, he’s not trying to only be your friend.

I never took the time to think about this, but a lot of this makes sense.

Can men and women be friends? What do you think?

Are People Too Hard on Amber Rose? (via Necole Bitchie)

2011-03-28T19:45:00.000-05:00

I was visiting one of my favorite blogs when I read something that really grabbed my attention, check it out:

Are People Too Hard on Amber Rose?

This question was provoked by an exchange between Amber Rose and Comedian Lil Duval this morning via twitter. Amber Rose wrote:

Morning Twit Fam, [I] didn’t really wake up in a good mood today. I’m just so sick of being ridiculed. [People] assuming things without knowing. I’m super nice to everyone I meet. I’m a very caring compassionate person. I don’t deserve to be talked about so negatively. I really hate explaining myself that’s why I stay so quiet but I will say this….. I was with my ex for 2 years and now I have a new Love. [Two People] that’s it. If that makes me a whore then so be it. I have NEVER slept with Fabolous, Drake, Chris Brown, Amare, Lebron, Cassidy etc nor have I ever been a Prostitute.

Lil Duval’s response was:

No disrespect, but that’s what comes [with] being around so many different men. In our mind if [you are] with him [you] f***ed him. In this world, it’s not about what you think you are, it’s about what people SEE [you] as and it’s up to you to make them see what you see. You’ll see what I’m [tryin] to say later on. [I'm] not bashing you. Just understand [that] you are what’s perceived in this industry

I must say that I agree with Lil Duval on this topic. After doing a Google search trying to find a "decent" picture of Amber to use, there was A LOT that came up that I couldn't use. She put those images out there. She created this "sex pot" image for herself.

What are your thoughts?

Morning Glory!

2011-03-19T08:00:00.001-05:00

You Made It! Friday!

2011-03-18T08:00:00.001-05:00

Terrific Thursday!

2011-03-17T08:00:00.001-05:00

Wednesday Morning Glory!

2011-03-16T08:00:00.001-05:00

Happy Tuesday!

2011-03-15T08:00:00.001-05:00

Morning Glory :D

2011-03-14T09:00:00.002-05:00

Morning Glory :)

2011-03-13T09:00:00.004-05:00

Morning Glory :)

2011-03-12T09:00:00.003-06:00

Morning Glory :)

2011-03-11T09:00:00.002-06:00

Morning Glory :)

2011-03-10T09:00:00.004-06:00

My Single Brothers & Sisters, Please Listen...

2011-03-05T16:28:00.000-06:00

Are You There God, It's Me Margret?...

2011-02-20T19:51:00.000-06:00

(Random title for this post, I know)...
This is currently what my room looks like. It's driving me nuts! ...This is also what my life feels like right now: messy, complicated & chaotic. ...You ever have that feeling that you have work/changing to do, but you just don't know where to start? That's me, right now. Whats worse is this is how I feel spiritually as well. Its one thing to look around my room and see this, it's another to feel this way when you pray (a bit more overwhelming). *sigh*

The best thing I can say to myself right now is to take it ONE DAY AT A TIME...

True Again!

2011-01-05T21:00:00.000-06:00

So True!

2011-01-05T20:58:00.000-06:00

Mini Thoughts #7 Love and other crash landings

2011-01-05T20:52:00.001-06:00

I'm not one that believes that love inflicts pain. Quite the opposite really. It's my personal opinion that love..."is a many splendored thing..." (lol). 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us exactly WHAT love is so that we can identify it and not confuse anything else with its likeness. I believe everyone is capable to love but it takes life experiences to mature an individual to love correctly AND to appreciate the love given.

According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, love is...

IS:

Patient

Kind

Trusts

Hopes

Perseveres

Think about a time when you've experienced something like the previously mentioned list. Really think about it. Make a mental list of all of the kind, patient, trustful, hopeful, people in your life. Those that motivate you to keep going even when you're tired, or give you strength when you are weak. People you can talk to and trust. Individuals that you lean on. Once you come up with that list, thank them. You don't need a special reason, a holiday, or an excuse to tell someone how you appreciate them. Send a text message, write an email, make a phone call, doesn't matter how, just show them that you're thankful for them.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 also tells us what love is NOT...

NOT:

Envious

Boastful

Proud

Rude

Selfish

Easily Angered

Delights in Evil

Holds Records

Fails

You should try giving doing the same kind of reflection over this "Not" list as you did for the previous one. Think about the people that surround you on a day to day basis and their attitude and character. More importantly though, think about your own actions. It's easy to blame negative situations on others, but you have to be honest about take accountability for your own actions as well. When was the last time YOU were rude or selfish or boastful. No one saying that you should try to be perfect, but if you're finding it hard attaining and keeping love in your life, maybe it's time for some honest self reflection.

I think we tend to forget how powerful and encompassing love can be. It's easy to confuse lust or convenience for love, but there is no reason to cheat yourself out of something incredible just for momentary relief. So with that said, look in the mirror and tell yourself "I am wonderfully and beautifully made and I love me. Today I will do my best to represent the true essence of love and love somebody!"

2010:Thank You and Good Night!

2010-12-30T23:09:00.001-06:00

As we count down to the year’s end, I thought this would be a nice opportunity to talk about the lessons learned this year, and to express my hopes for the future. So with that said, let’s goooo!!!!

The best way for me to explain my year is to start off by showing you the one playlist I listened to all year.

I brought in 2010 with overwhelming excitement. I had no clue what God was going to do this year, I just knew something AWESOME was in the works. I don't know why, but I just felt this shift in my spirit that big things would happen.

Really, shouldn't we ALL welcome the new year with expectation, purpose and enthusiasm? Not only is a new year indicative of a blank slate, but it's the invitation to dream and plan a bigger and better dream for yourself. ...Really, EACH new DAY should be thought of as a new chance, a clean slate, new mercies. I'm thankful for chances because by God bestowing new mercies on my life everyday that I wake up, there is no guarantee that I will do right by Him with the chances He's given me, BUT at least He is presenting His faith (love) in me through sheer OPPORTUNITY (P.S.-Nothing surprises God. He knows exactly what I'm gonna do and when. So even when He knows I'm going to continue to sin, and STILL gives me the opportunity and the CHOICE to do right... Wooo! That's love!).

So the year progresses, my excitement subsides, and fear starts to set in. I have a craving for more, but start to shrug it off as just wishful thinking. Little did I know it was God's way of moving me and pushing me out of my comfort zone. The dreams that we have for ourselves are merely the divine plan that God has implanted in us. ...It took a while for me to muster up enough courage, counsel and confidence, before I quit my job, but I finally did it! When I heard this song, I KNEW God was speaking directly to me and my situation, and the next day I turned in a letter of resignation.

Five months later I was forcing myself to speak give God praise. I was SOOO afraid that because I didn't hear His voice, or see movement that He had left me. I was so nervous that I had done something wrong that would distance myself from Him. To keep my mind focused, I would jog in the park and pray. This is what I felt like...

The end result was usually me bursting into tears. This is what played in my ears while I talked to God.

Sometimes I forget how loving God is. And how, before I came to Him, He covered me even in my wrong doing. Every campus house party, night club, friend's house, car ride, plane trip...He was with me. So I shouldn't even believe for a second that He would leave me now when I was leaning on Him the most. And don't you know, every bill got paid and I never went hungry. God is AWESOME!

Here I am now at the close of the year with a job that I absolutely LOVE. I never would've found it without God leading me.
There was more that went on this year...like I met my wonderful boyfriend (insert big cheesy smile here). He makes me feel like this...

All and all I couldn't have made it through this year without my God! I'm super excited about what's in store for 2011, and I hope you are too!

My advice for 2011: move forward...

Below, is the BEST video I saw this year! Happy New Year!!! :)

If One Picture Is Worth 1000 Words...

2010-12-28T20:03:00.001-06:00

Check out my year in snap shots, video clips & snippets on my Tumblr page:) (click the image below )

Mini Thoughts #6

2010-12-22T22:20:00.000-06:00

A relationship is nothing more than a partnership. Over time you learn about your partner: their strengths, weaknesses, sore spots, etc. It takes time to develop a relationship where you’re willing to step in when/where you know your partner is weak: that's usually the product of a solid foundation (aka friendship). …And with the world being the way it is these days, I can see why it’s tough for people to find genuine partners.

Mini Thoughts #5

2010-12-18T16:13:00.001-06:00

It's my theory that confusion only comes when what you know is right conflicts with what you want to do. No one ever said the right decision was always easy. If everything were easy, how else would you build character?

What I've Learned From Watching Maury...Yeah, Maury

2010-11-26T21:00:00.000-06:00

- Get the audience on your side

- Women will turn on each other when a man is involved

- Men are EASILY distracted

- Men overcompensate for lack of ____ through sexual conquests

- The lie detector is always wrong (haha)

- Age doesn’t matter; a man will sleep with ANYONE

- …Relationship doesn’t matter (mother, sister, aunt, best friend, etc.); a man will sleep with ANYONE

- Being on a “break” make everything fair game

- Hearing “you ARE the father” suddenly makes your minimum wage cashier job enough scratch for you to “take care of yours”

- Nothing but uneducated, unemployed people are at home during the day watching Maury (thanks Everest)

- Fast, teenage girls are always looking for love

- Fast, teenage girls don’t know they’re worth more than a double bacon cheeseburger

- Cheaters always leave evidence (thongs, earrings, bodily fluids, etc.)

- Statutory rape doesn’t exist in any state

- Maury has a well decorated backstage area

- Maury is one laid back dude; he basically hosts the show in his pajamas and performance fleece

- There is no problem with having 11 kids, scattered throughout the land

- Being a pimp is a lucrative and desirable occupation; and being a prostitute is glamorous…

The list above was marinated in sarcasm (with a pinch of truth). After watching an episode of Maury the other day (first time in a long time), and I was heartbroken by what I saw. People shouldn’t be treating each other the way that’s displayed on this show. There needs to be a greater regard, love even, for human life; do unto others as you would want done unto you.

What really upset me was the all too familiar story told by a woman who brought her fiancé on the show because she suspected that while she’s at the minimum wage job she despises (flipping burgers and shaking salt on fries), her fiancé is at home cheating on her with loose female friends, exes and the like. Through the results of the lie detector test we found out that not only was he cheating on her, but he was cheating on her with his ex, while prostituting other women (I was upset by the fact that he wasn’t bringing home the money to contribute to utilities and whatnot, but that’s not the main point of this story).

If you’ve ever watched Maury before you can expect what happened next, the upset woman ran off the stage screaming, yelling, and crying. Though she was visibly upset about the results of the test, she was more so worked up over the fact that her fiancé had been playing with her head this whole time. That’s understandably a tough pill to swallow. It’s my own personal opinion that having your heart broken at least once in your life is a rite of passage; it’s how individuals respond to that life lesson that’s the real test.

The woman I watched on this particular episode could very well go through life never trusting another man (or person) again because of her experience. That’s a terribly sad concept, but it’s the most popular approach. Most of us throw up walls around our heart after it’s been through a rather tough experience as a means of protecting it from further damage, nothing wrong with that, but a damaged heart isn’t going to mend itself. Even behind the tallest wall, a broken heart is still broken. I’m not advising that this Maury guest should jump back into the dating world at the end of taping her segment, but to repair the damage, she has to address the damage (which can sometimes be a hard thing to do).

Some of us would say that her troubles started when she began suspecting her fiancé of cheating, but I’m willing to bet that if we travel back a little further we’d find other issues a brewing. You may wonder my reasoning, and to be honest I really don’t have one other than the fact that some of the during the break footage showed her listening to her fiancé as he reasoned her never listening to him as being the catalyst for his cheating ways. **sigh** We’ve got to do better. When someone shows you who they really are, you have to be willing to believe them.

With all of that being said, I really think we need to start treating each other better; simple start. If this idea catches on, Maury’s show might be in jeopardy, eh, worse things have happened.

Night with the King (Pre-Thanksgiving Event)

2010-11-24T12:39:00.000-06:00

Reflect on what you're thankful for this Thanksgiving with the fine folks at New Life Covenant at the UIC Forum for Night with the King!!!

When: November 24, 2010 @ 7pm
Where: UIC Forum (Roosevelt & Halsted) it's FREE!!!
Don't forget to wear your best! :)

Where Can I Find A Study Buddy??

2010-11-10T23:04:00.001-06:00

I love videos like this! We need more of this!

One from last year (an oldie, but a goodie)

Life Transition

2010-11-06T14:54:00.001-05:00

I don’t think I ever shared my current situation with you. I’ve talked all around it, but never really told you what was going on with me…well, here we go.

About 5 months ago, by the direction of God, I quit my job. I worked a job where there was no room for advancement, my presence was tolerated but not celebrated, and my skills weren’t being used. Don’t get me wrong, it was a very valuable learning experience for me, and I believe it marked my official transition into adulthood (I wouldn’t change a thing). It was humbling, transformative, and irksome all in the same breath. After some time of contemplation, consultation, and prayer, I figured it was time to trust God and so I walked away.

Here’s the kicker, I quit my job without having anything lined up. I’m sure you can imagine how scary that is during the current economic climate of our country. I don’t think God would have wanted it any other way because He’s going to get the glory out of my situation regardless of what happens, but people will be able to look at my testimony and truly see God’s hand given my starting point. And who would I have been to step in and lessen the blessing He had on my life just to make the experience more comfortable for me?

Through these last 5 months there have been plenty of tears (good and not so good), prayers, candid talks, scriptures, questions, and repenting (sigh, Christianity is NOT as simple as it looks). It hasn’t been a bad experience at all to be honest. I’m learning the lesson of not being prideful. I’ve been surrounded by so many giving, caring, loving people who just want to help me make it and I’m just ever so grateful (fantastically blessed). And it seems like I just keep picking up blessings as I go :)

I’m certain that God will provide and come through on His promise; He’s a faithful God, a loving and merciful God, and if God keeps His hand on me even when I’m in my wrong, I know He’ll keep me when I follow His direction.

…And that’s that. Feel free to ask questions about my progress or share your own transition experience. I’ll try to keep you posted.

New Site: The Man's Guide to Love

2010-11-05T17:20:00.001-05:00

I came across this very cute web site the other day called The Man's Guide To Love. It's a site of short video clips from regular guys to regular guys with their best love advise. I'd suggest checking out the Hall of Fame section. Check out some of the what you can find on The Man's Guide To Love below :)

The Man's Guide To Love #192 from themansguidetolove on Vimeo.

The Man's Guide To Love #78 from themansguidetolove on Vimeo.
You can't listen to everybody cause this fool right here should NOT be trusted...

The Man's Guide To Love #57 from themansguidetolove on Vimeo.

October: People We've GOT To Do Better!

2010-11-05T17:14:00.000-05:00

So last October around Halloween, after decorating our porch with carefully crafted jack-o-lanterns, someone came up onto our property, took one of our pumpkins and smashed it on the ground in front of our home. It was the pumpkin my little brother worked on, so I was totally heartbroken for him (and also burning with a rage that only a protective older sibling could feel). Even with that destruction, we put on smiling faces and passed out Halloween candy to the neighborhood anyway.

My pumpkin from last year

One of the 3 sides of my lil bro's pumpkin

My kicked in pumpkin

My lil bro's pieced together pumpkin

This year we didn’t have time to decorate the house until a few days before Halloween. With that being said, we really didn’t go all out like we normally would, but it was still festive. …Don’t you know that the Wednesday following Halloween, as my mom and I returned from Bible study, we noticed one of our pumpkins was missing (to which my little brother claimed squirrels took it, haha). After closer investigation, I saw the top of out pumpkin in our yard. Yet again someone walked onto our property, grabbed our pumpkin and destroyed it! Man, this is ridiculous!

On Halloween

That following Thursday

Pumpkin brains

On a brighter note, after some trick-or-treating we racked up a pretty impressive amount of candy. I scored a huge orb of candy goodness fillled with jelly beans, Starbursts, Skittles, and more at a Halloween party I went to. Be jealous! Lol :)

Drake, You May Be So Far Gone, But Not Forgotten

2010-11-05T14:03:00.001-05:00

I’ve expressed on this blog, as well as on many other outlets, my love of Drake and all things October’s Own, so you could imagine my excitement when I heard his tour was stopping through Chicago for two nights in early October. Tickets went on sale in the summer and only by the power of love did I end up with one (thanks again boo!). Words can’t even begin to describe…

As the weeks passed by my focus was shifted a bit. I started worrying about things happening and not happening in my life (more about that in a later post). I started listening a little harder during sermons on Sunday. I started frequenting Bible study more often (sometimes even twice a week). I was listening to more gospel music because the lyrics were speaking to my situation.

Night of the concert, I walk in the theatre in the outfit I specifically bought for the evening; nails done, hair done, everything did (yeah I was feeling fancy), and I was immediately bothered by the overabundance of “kids” running around. I guess I never realized how young his fans were. Between the sickening amount of skinny jeans, ill-fitted Forever21 ‘fits, and girls with half of their head shaved, AT&T was promoting the mess out of their services at small booths set up all over the place. With a sigh, I took my seat in the auditorium amongst the kiddies. I was doing my best to push back the guilt I was having for missing Bible study that night, when the curtain raised causing everyone to jump to their feet and scream their heads off (I included). The next 3 minutes is where things went left. As Drake uttered his first words to his Chicago audience, an expletive laced chain of utterances spilled forth from his lips causing me to then hit him with a side-eye and a neck roll. I then leaned over to my date with a sour expression on my face and asked “have we been listening to too much gospel?”

The problem wasn’t Drake (okay maybe it was), the kids (they didn’t help either), or anything else relating to the concert that night, but I just wasn’t in the same place that I was in a few months back when the tickets were initially purchased. There was no dramatic occurrence in my life that changed me from a super fan to a side-eye giving spectator, but Drake just wasn’t where my heart was anymore. The religious experiences that I was having on a weekly basis where moving me, and shifting me away from things that I may have once liked. It’s like filling up on candy; the energy rush felt may be nice for a few minutes, but it’s only temporary. I’m at a point in life where I’m very tired of temporary things like weak euro-pop music trends, lace fronts, and silly bands. Unfortunately Drake fell into that category. I expected more from him than a set list cemented around his latest album (what about So Far Gone??), lyrics sung in a flat falsetto, questionable Lil Wayne compliments, and expletive decorated claims about how great Chicago is and maybe finding a woman (he also awkwardly gave an AT&T Blackberry to the chick he brought up on stage, weird).

All in all the night wasn’t that bad. After watching two random chicks almost get into fight in the parking garage, the night was saved by a Maxwell Street polish and the agreement that the next concert seen will be a better one :)

Inspirational Lit: God Don't Do It Without Me!

2010-10-14T13:48:00.001-05:00

"...We know that one of the primary keys to encouraging yourself is worship. King David was an archetype of a man who knew how to thrust himself into God’s bosom and rest in the security therein.

At a young age, David was anointed to be king over all of Israel. However, he didn’t wake up the next day after receiving his promise to find himself sitting on the throne. Between his promise and the fulfillment, David encountered enemies whose sole purpose was to kill him. Why would God set him up to bless him only to turn around and allow him to be persecuted to the point of near death? Preparation!

God has to weed tings out of you and then He has to put some things in you to equip you and strengthen you for your journey. The Heavenly Father always deposits something in you before He makes a withdrawal. And trust me, God intends to get glory from you life!

Consider how mightily God used David. Look at how much glory He got from this one man’s life. And David wasn’t perfect. Like you and I, he had major character defects. And yet, God moved in him and through him in an awesome way. God took a man who committed adultery and murder and used him to write nearly half the Book of Psalms. How could that happen? Because as flawed as David was, his heart was perfect and loyal toward Him.

Notice how David responds to his cross-to the adversity he experiences. In the midst of his trouble, he encourages himself.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted in me. Hope thou in God (Psalms 42:5).

What a confident and powerful declaration! David encouraged himself to the point where in spite of his circumstances he could say without equivocation, “My soul will hope in God!!”..."

(Wait to Do While You Wait-Pastor John Hannah)

I Am My Brother's Keeper, But Can He Keep Me???

2010-10-11T23:39:00.001-05:00

Strength and independence are traits I've tried to always exhibit. And as a result of sometimes trying to be something I'm not, I tire myself out emotionally. That's why it's soooo important to keep people in your corner that will allow you to be weak and vulnerable without trying to take advantage of you. Instead they will try to speak positivity into you, allow you to lean on them until you're stable, or even fight your fight for you.

Personally speaking, there are plenty of times when I need to rely on others to help me to make it through. A good example is something I'm currently struggling with, and that is obedience. I never realized how many people looked to me in regard to being obedient; I guess I make it look easy, lol, believe me, its not! Last year during the Lent season in my household, I confided in my mother that I was fasting for the wrong reasons and decided to stop a few weeks short of finishing the desired amont of time. Once I put in an order for a Chicago-style hot dog, the whole house had hot dogs for lunch that day (with cans of soda and loads of fries; no other way to eat). My point being that sometimes you never know exactly how those around you depend on you.

A week or so ago I needed a faith boost in a major way (to be honest, I was trippin'!). I was freakin' out because my life wasn't moving at a pace I thought it should (more or that a little later). I don't really open up to a lot of people when I'm feeling down because I can't just share that side of myself with everyone (it's not pretty). Everyone won't let you live down that moment. I needed a word spoken to my spirit-man in a big way. I needed to hear from someone who knew my struggle, my faith and my vision, and could speak life back into my dream. ...I got just that from a couple of people :)

You have to be careful who you surround yourself with. When you invite negative people in, all they do is take from you: your energy, your positivity, your goals, your enthusiasm, your smile, etc. If I'm the average of my five closet friends, then I must be very wise, honest, full of discernment and compassionate (not to mention ridiculously funny, and quite a looker...shout out to my girls!). You want someone who will align themselves up with you in battle, not against you (this is the same thing you want in a significant other as well, take note).

All in all, I just really wanted to thank those who have ever listened when I rambled, vented, ranted, or cried. I wanted to verbalize my appreciation for those who help keep me sane, help me back up on my feet, and push me forward. I wanted to thank those that prayed, invited me to Bible study, gave an encouraging word, or just smiled. I'm here for you like you were there for me. Thank you :)

Mini Thoughts #4 - Jesus loved a Sinful Woman

2010-09-29T22:34:00.004-05:00

I had a simple revelation today. Wanna hear it? ... Here it go :)...

I went to Bible study last night and we looked at Luke chapter 7:36-50 which is the story of when Jesus went to this Pharisee’s house for dinner. While there, the town’s sinful woman came up to Jesus and started washing his feet with her tears and hair, and started rubbing them down with expensive perfume (alabaster). Simon (the Pharisee) looked down on the woman for being sinful (a prostitute), while Jesus pointed out that her actions for him were much more than what Simon did for him (not washing his feet when he came in his home or even kissing his cheek). Jesus forgave the woman of her sin and Simon learned a lesson (sorry I had to give you the back story to my revelation).

So, while on the train this morning, a man got on and his face was super swollen and red, like he was high on something lethal. I found myself wanting to judge him and question his destination, what he had been doing, etc, but then I realized just because this man’s sin/struggle is visible for everyone to see, that doesn’t mean that his sin is worse than mine. Or rather just because he fell to the temptation of drugs that doesn’t mean his struggle isn’t my struggle as well, we just have different temptations. Our outside appearance is different but only because our vice is different. I’m sure to God our hearts may look the same, and who is to say that he’s not trying to do better. Then I realized that all people may be struggling with something but we all have the same opportunity through Christ for the same kind of abundant life.

I already knew that one sin isn’t better or worse than another, but I think today was the first time I actually took that a step further and applied it. What’s worse; constantly committing the same sin over and over knowingly and going to church knowing that God will always forgive you, OR living in sin, trying to get it all out of your system before you finally do right and turn your life over to God. One really isn’t better than the other…

After sharing this with a friend, she said it reminded her of a quote by Plato….Be kind: For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Check out the story for yourself, and see what comes to mind for you :)

Mini Thoughts #3

2010-09-16T23:11:00.000-05:00

Love Me, love Me with your whole heart

He wants it all today.

Serve Me, serve Me with your life now

He wants it all today.

Bow down, let go of your idols,

He wants it all today,

He wants it all…

Lately I've been drawn to songs that speak about total worship of the Lord (All I Have to Give, Mali Music & He Wants It ALL, Forever Jones). There aren't enough words in all the languages, in all of the world, to express how truly good God is. With that being said, why is it so hard for us as human beings to just surrender to Him? Usually when we try doing our own thing, it doesn't quite work out. And all the other idols that we're focused on (money, sex, fame, love, success, addiction, etc.) are only temporary. So what keeps us from just serving Him?

Usually when we try to understand God's love for us, the best way we can interpret it is through our own experiences of "love". So we fear that God too will fail us, leave us, or hurt us in some way like we've experienced before in our past. For a lot of us, God wasn't our first love, and as we live and love on this Earth, it's through trial and error, (the harder lesson to learn).

Personally speaking, I know that God doesn't work that way. I'm at a point in my life where I'm so dependent on Him, that my only option is to chase after Him. As I look back over my life, I can see the evidence of God's presence throughout it and I'm thankful. Before I knew Him, when I turned my back to Him, and as I walk closer to Him, He was there. He's unchanging. It was that realization that made me accepting of His love, and thus strengthening my FAITH in His will. Like Rev Run famously quotes, "God is Love," and as that's a beautiful thang!

Reminder! Reminder!

2010-09-01T18:01:00.000-05:00

I know that I haven't really been doing my blogdizzle these days (and I do apologize), but you are more than welcomed to check out more of my randomness at chicitychick.tumblr.com/ :)

Oh, it's the L-I-Y-A-H: Ms. Aaliyah Haughton

2010-08-25T18:07:00.000-05:00

It was nine years ago today when we lost r&b singer Aaliyah in a plane crash that not only ended her life, but also the lives of eight others that were traveling with her from the Bahamas back to the states. I can remember exactly where I was when I heard the news. My mom woke me up to watch the report on the early morning news after they previewed the story before going on a commercial break. I was shocked for the simple fact that she was so young.

Though it may not seem like it, Aaliyah was definitely an influential artist. I can remember her always being on cover of Black Hair Magazine (at that time, a black woman with hair that long was UNHEARD of...still is if it's all her natural hair). Not only was she beautiful and fashionable, but when people spoke of her, they always talked about how nice, sweet and personable she was.

So, in tribute to Ms. Aaliyah Haughton, I would like to show various examples of how her memory and influence continue to live on today :)

First and foremost, Keri Hilson. Baby Girl and Ms. Keri Baby share a lot of similarities career wise. Not only is there the affiliation with Timbaland, but both played on that "sweet but street," non intimidatingly, beautiful tomboy persona that draws men in and makes women want to have them as a girlfriend. They also captured the world's attention with catchy r&b tunes that have made us all groove along...

Rihanna was NOT the first good girl to go bad. From square one Aaliyah's imagine was that of being mysterious, alluring, and coquettish (anyone remember that alleged marriage to R. Kelly?). With every generations there comes artists that aims to push the envelope and do something a little different than what everyone else is doing; and for that I thank you...

I know I briefly mentioned it earlier, but Aaliyah was a great dancer; as is Ciara. Aaliyah had the type of videos where people would watch them over and over trying to memorize and perfect the dance routines she executed with ease. Now Ms. Ci-Ci can get her mean jig on too, and is known for being one of today's greatest dancers. A performer is really only as good as the show that they put on...

My list of comparisons could go on and on, but I'm pretty sure you get the point. With that, I would like to just send blessings out to Aaliyah's family and thank her fans, radio stations and music video channels for continuing to keep her memory alive.

To check out the MTV Diary episode shot before her passing visit Necole Bitchie's blog by clicking here :)

Comfort Zones... & Other Lines that Need Crossing

2010-08-12T23:14:00.000-05:00

I’ve never really been one for an adrenaline rush. I hate scary movies, and I haven’t been to Six Flags since I was eight years old. Though the older I’ve gotten the more I like fear. I enjoy doing things that seem to scare me; like, quitting my job without a backup plan, and crossing the street at night knowing I don’t have insurance (I’m joking about the latter). I’ve learned that the more I step out of my comfort zone, the less things scare me; and the less power fear has over me. Or rather, the more I step out of my comfort zone, the more I step out on faith.

See, I know that God doesn’t fail, and if I follow His direction, then in turn I will always be in the okay. This isn’t to say that everything will always be sunshine and rainbows, but “if He leads me to it, He’ll lead me through it.” With that mindset, I’m currently attempting to live fearlessly through my Heavenly Father (fear is the faith of the enemy, and I don't serve him... I'm just saying).

Below, please find a video of a handful of young black actresses deemed by Fearless Magazine as being “The Fearless Class of 2010”. In the video, the actresses define their own personal takes on what fearless means to them. Enjoy!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUU!!!!

2010-08-07T16:53:00.001-05:00

Chi City Chick is officially ONR YEAR old! That’s incredible to me. First off, a special, BIG, heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone who has passed through the digital sphere that is my site. This would be purposeless without you <3

I really hadn’t planned on being so invested into this blog when I started it a year ago ( I have business cards now!). I was really just looking for some way to release the pinned up emotions that I had during an emotionally draining time (a breakup, we’ve all been there). I wanted to be able to find my voice again as a confirmation to myself that I was still the same person, and that I was going to be okay.

Going over my old blogs, I can see that actually finding my writer’s voice took me a while, and though I’m still trying to fine-tune the direction of this site, I have fun with it, and enjoy writing it.

I’m open to suggestions, comments, questions, and concerns; so please, send them if you have them :)

Also, check out my new photo blog at http://chicitychick.tumblr.com/

Thanks to livingmymoment.tumblr.com for the pic :)

Mini Thoughts #2

2010-07-28T10:25:00.000-05:00

I am in NO hurry to get married; random, but true. I know some people may be anxious to say "I do" but I'm not one of those people. As a matter of fact, like many other people, I once confused the idea of marriage, with the excitement that is "the wedding"; who doesn't want to get dressed up, have a huge party with all your friends and family, and just celebrate life? If I could practice having a wedding without actually getting married, I'd do that every other weekend (so much better than going to out to the club.....just kidding....kinda).

I guess I should thank Tyler Perry for startling me out of my tulle stuffed, bouquet carrying misconception. As funny as it may sound, after watching Why Did I Get Married Too? I realized that I am NO WHERE NEAR ready to make that kind of LIFE LONG commitment to any one thing (other than Jesus, and even that's not as easy as it sounds all the time). You see in my mind, divorce isn't an option...so for lack of originality, I believe in sticking it out, "for richer or poorer, and through sickness and health..." it's going down! ...Talk about a "ride or die chick".

New Music! Got Your Back

2010-07-22T18:22:00.000-05:00

Though I thought Keri looked completely washed out with that hair color, and I was a little bored by the song & video as a whole; the ending is completely adorable! Check it out :)

Mini Thoughts...

2010-07-22T18:16:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I don't the time (or attention span) to write full blogs. There are also times when I have so much running through my brain that I find it hard to concentrate on just one topic. So, today, instead writing a full fledged blog, I decided to jot down my "mini thoughts"...Enjoy! :)

While on Twitter this morning I came across this tweet:
Whatever has our attention will eventually get our worship (via @pastorbrady).
I've always prided myself on the idea that I never fell into the trap of worshiping false idols like money, athletes or entertainers, but I never realized just how easy it is to lose focus. I've spent WAY too much time pining over love lost, wondering when my prince will come, and complaining to friends about the world's shortage of "good men". You see what had my attention was everything that I felt I didn't have versus me being thankful for everything I was blessed with. I've since learned to be thankful of all life experiences.

God is my life source; my joy, peace, sanity, purpose, guide, love, etc., etc. I can't just ask Him for a man, and then think that's all I need from Him. I trust God to do what He is going to do through my life, and give Him all the praise and glory for it. There are certain things I don't really worry about because I know He already has it taken care of: THAT is where my focus should lie.

Thanks to littlelakey for the picture above (found on Flickr).

It's TOO Hot For That!

2010-07-17T13:12:00.002-05:00

So EVERY summer without fail I find myself always saying "its too hot for that," and this year is no exception. But you're in luck because this year I decided to make a small list of things that I believe it's too hot for...enjoy!

It’s TOO HOT to…

…Slack on your personal hygiene: Summer is not a secret or a surprise, ain’t no reason for you to walk around smelling like the sun just snuck up on you today. Make sure you have plenty of deodorant and baby powder on deck.

…Have jacked up feet. I know I’ve said this before, but if you plan on exposing your toes, why not prepare them joints first? Why walk out with super long toe nails that are sparking up on the pavement as you walk, or have a ring of crust around your heel and toe that looks like white version of police caution tape? You’re too old for that.

…Walk around with a scalp that looks like a tree from Whoville. Take care of that.

…Be a crackhead. Every time I see a high crackhead in public during the summer they just look like they’re melting.

…Let your kids run around outta control. Look tempers are real short these days; I would appreciate it if you kept Lil Jojo from kicking the back of my chair during the church service, or Lil Becky from throwing a tantrum right in my ear. I have no problem disciplining someone else’s kids (just saying).

…Sidenote, why are your babies running around my block ALL day with nothing to do? They’re running in my face greeting me as I walk home in the evening, like the official block ambassadors, looking like they’ve been fighting in shrubs and rolling in dirt all day.

…Be sloppy. Not everyone is a video girl, nor should that be your aspiration in life, so stop buying club fits from that lil lingerie rack at the Korean hair shop.

…Have the ice cream truck parked out in front of my house for 2 hours playing Pop Goes The Weasel at 11 at night. I know in my hood he’s selling more than just ice cream, keep that junk moving brah!

…Be rude. We’re not the only two people out here trying to enjoy these summer festivities, if I accidentally bump into you, I will apologize accordingly, I expect the same courtesy. No need for an attitude.

Fresh Air!: Janelle Monae

2010-07-02T10:50:00.000-05:00

Most recently seen giving it her all at the BET Awards in a tribute to Prince, Janelle Monae isn't new to the music scene, BUT this remix right HERE gives me life! Loves it!

Personally, I'm a little tired of the Barbie bit, so it's great to see a female artist rely on actual talent, and not just her "assets"...here's a little bit of what Janelle had to say in a interview with 944 Magazine a couple months ago...

"There are so many ways we can be sexy and confident. I am not faithful to any of the clothes that the world says I have to wear to be more feminine. Strength and femininity come from me, not my clothes."

Enjoy the vid! The ArchAndroid in stores now!

At The Moment...

2010-06-26T19:40:00.000-05:00

I'm really feeling this song for some reason ::shoulder shrug:: Enjoy!

Dear Ciara, Sit Your Fast Tail Down!

2010-06-26T19:37:00.000-05:00

Dear Ciara,

::sigh:: …Where do I begin? Well, let me start by saying you have the thighs that I kill myself weekly in the gym trying to get J Now that that’s out of the way, lets get down to the heart of the matter: your career.

Cici (can I call you Cici?), what can I say? You were my road dog back in 2003-2004. I really just don’t understand what happened to us. Maybe you would’ve been better off signing to Bad Boy back in the infancy of your career and living the life of a one-album wonder; serving ranch chicken rings at White Castle next to Carl Thomas (I mean at least then it would be justifiable).

You were off to a strong start. It was a great introduction: a fun energy, and image. It was almost a pick up to where Aaliyah left off. Your team was really working with you (not the best singer, but a awesome dancer, likeable, and a scalp that could stand a full head of weave). With the help of Jazze Pha and the crew, you found yourself back bending and splitting down the path of Summer Jams, Big Jams, Jiggle Jams, and Space Jams that every up and comer must perform as a means of getting their name out there.

Fast forward a bit: your name is out there, you’ve visited 106 & Park a couple times, you have a rumor going around claiming you’re really a man (yeah, sorry but I helped to spread that nasty rumor through my grapevine of friends). You’ve made it. Add a celebrity boyfriend (eh, I guess Bow Wow will do), and you’re good (after your second single “Oh,” I saw grown women performing your routine at clubs…come one now!).

2006, the year of the sophomore album. You decide to release an album titled after your self perceived growth by calling it “Ciara: The Evolution” (insert side eye here). Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please note mistake #1. You’ve only been on the scene for 3 minutes (roughly 2 years in normal terms), unless you transformed from Cici to Cecil, we, the public hadn’t noticed the difference. You’re lucky the first joint was a banger though; I was falling over on mic stands cause of “Promise”.

Promise also marks this emergence of a sexier Ciara image. You flirted around with your sexuality here and there (dancing on top of the car in “Oh” for example), but with every evolution comes a pair of stilettos I guess.

“Get Up” and “Like A Boy” are later released as singles to help the album (shout to Reggie Bush in “Like A Boy”).

Lets fast forward again to 2008, this time, boom!, we run smack dab into an image of you on the cover of Vibe magazine where you appear to be naked…here comes mistake #2, accusing the magazine of digitally altering your image, removing the clothing that you were allegedly wearing. We’ve been watching as you’ve been pushing the “Sex Sells” envelope further and further but I guess you weren’t ready for everything to hang all the way out. I’m sure you were shocked by the Vibe cover, but really you just sounded a bit silly in saying that Vibe tricked you, and altered the cover. Girl, of course they did! They’re trying to sell magazines, and you’re trying to sell albums; move on.

To save time, lets just call everything dealing with “Fantasy Ride” mistake #3 subtitled “The Beyonce/Rihanna Era,” (sucks to be anyone else). At your next “Why Won’t They Let Me Be Great” meeting, tell Amerie, Ashanti, and Tierra Marie I said “keep your head up” (shout out to Kelly Rowland who wised up, and just deals with Europe where she’s appreciated).

This brings us up to now, 2010. Beyonce is taking a break, Rihanna is…she just is, and you’ve hopped back into the studio. Keri Hilson is making a nice lil spot for herself in the music framework (a spot where you once used to be). You must’ve felt the heat cause you started throwing a little shade with a viral video styled reintroduction effort by the name of Basic Instinct (You Got Me). I give you points for doing something different (congrats), but I LOVE me some Keri Hilson, and I’d gladly pick her over you any day, here’s why…

Unlike you, Amerie, Tierra Marie, Christina Millian, and Ashanti, Keri’s image (and for lack of a better word), swagger, just feels natural, not forced. I can relate to Keri. She reminds me of myself. Unlike the fantastical enigma that is Beyonce, and the overwhelming pressure that compounds at the thought of trying to be like her, Keri just seems real. I don’t need a knock off Beyonce: wanna be sexy, trying to be sexy, shopping where you can’t afford, looking for THE hottest rapper to get on your track to draw attention to it, wearing designer labels on your forehead to draw attention to you, calling up the paparazzi to meet you on Rodeo Drive, bandage dress wearing self. I can’t relate to that.

Get it together boo. Take away all of what your new gal pal Kim K has taught you, and just be REAL. People respect real. I’m purposely avoiding the topic of your latest video for the single “Ride.” Yeah, you’re definitely a bad chick, but that doesn’t last forever (unless you’re Stacy Dash).

So, with that, my advice to you is that you sit yourself down in a corner somewhere and work it out.

Love Always,

Chi Chick

Dating Sucks!

2010-06-05T22:52:00.000-05:00

"Dear Diary..." (Wale)

2010-05-22T19:44:00.001-05:00

After a few years of having informal conversations about relationships, love, and "the one," I've come to the realization that there are WAYYY too many hurt people out there; both men and women, doesn't matter. It seems like everyone is living in fear of love. A friend of mine sent a text to me that quoted a friend of her's and read: You're basically giving the person you're in love with the free will to stomp out your insides but trusting them enough not to. We're afraid to trust again after we've been wronged. We're afraid to allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough that someone gets to experience the REAL us and still love us. But without trust there is no love, and without vulnerability there is no compassion.

It's inevitable that in life we'll acquire a few scrapes, scratches and cuts, but it doesn't mean you're supposed to give up on living; just learn from your experiences and always move forward.

A Watched Cell Phone Never Rings

2010-05-21T21:28:00.001-05:00

Hi, my name is Chi Chick, and I have an unhealthy relationship with my cell phone. I check it all the time throughout the day, and it never leaves my side. If I mistakenly leave it at home, I feel naked for the rest of the day until we’re reunited. Before bed I make sure to turn the ringer up and stick it under my pillow, so I don’t miss anything. On occasion I feel “Phantom Vibrations” running up my thigh when my phone isn’t even in my pocket. My name is Chi Chick, and I have a problem.

I started to develop this attachment to my cell phone in high school; around the same time I started having an interest in boys. It was the perfect communication device! I could pour my heart out to the temporary adolescent love of my life, without any real fear of being rejected because we weren’t standing face to face. I could send gossipy text messages to my friends. And I learned how to flirt virtually (I still can’t do it in real life).

The attachment quickly progressed in college, and for no other reason than because of a boy. I tried my hand at a long distance relationship (oh how naïve I was), and my phone was my saving grace. Late night calls, arguments, millions of “I miss you’s” to the point where they became meaningless, picture messages, and my first “I love you.” I mention all this to say that; my phone became an extension of myself. And now that I am a little bit older, it’s turned into a crutch rather than a helpful accessory.

As of recently, I tend to find myself in relationships and situations where there is distance. It’s a comfort to me: It’s what I’m used to, and what I know. Words sound sweeter, emotions feel stronger, and the heart beats a little faster when you see a message waiting in your inbox. I revel in distance because it makes me feel in control. When you piss me off, I can slam my phone close, and never call you again if I don’t want to. I can delete you out of my phone, or worse yet, rename you as Do Not Answer.

With distance, I can keep someone away from my heart without having to show my vulnerability or awkwardness. I don’t have to come up with smart answers or clever lines to defend the erected wall around my heart, but rather just let things naturally play out to a predictable end where we amicably go our separate ways.

With distance also comes a lot of waiting. Hovering over my phone while mumbling obscenities (“a watched pot never boils”, so true!). This usually occurs when you deal with individuals who are focused on one thing; and that one thing ain’t you. It happens a lot when I deal with young men who are driven by career aspirations, and the daydreams of where they want to be in five years, rather than where they are right now. (Not to say that there aren’t women out there with the same mind set, but I can only write from my own experiences).

Someone recently mentioned to me how surprised they were by how often I pick up my phone to check and send text messages. I didn’t realize how annoying this was until I surveyed the table during a girls’ night out, and realized how every 3 minutes, someone was either on their phone caking, texting, Tweeting, or checking Facebook, smh.

To be honest, I’m tired of the routine; I came to that realization a while ago. I want authentic relationships in my life, not just text messages sent when someone had a free moment in their schedule (I’d rather deal with someone who makes time for me in their schedule, rather than waits until I fit into a free moment). I’m ready to push my phone to the side and have stimulating conversations face to face. Who knows, I may find someone worthy of getting passed my defenses, and willing to help me take down my wall one brick at a time :)

PS Thanks to http://www.koofie.com/uploads/2009/09/cellphone-girl2.jpg for the photo

Short Hair, Don't Care!

2010-05-01T12:49:00.004-05:00


Chrisette Michele

My mother and I once had a tense disagreement when I made a statement based off of India.Arie’s song “I Am Not My Hair”; I said “…but I AM my hair.” I’m not sure if my hair story is drastically different than those of other Black women, but it’s a sorted tale that I would like to conclude by chopping it all off. I don't mean that My Little Pony/Cassie due either. Let me explain…

I love Dawn's hair here!

I’ve always gotten noticed for my thick, long, natural hair. Guys are usually surprised it’s all mine, and girls have always played in my hair for as far back as I can remember. I take pride in my mane, and love it dearly. It’s wild and untamed after a good washing, and falls just pass my shoulders when flat ironed straight. I love it! I’ve invested a lot of time, energy, and money into my hair’s maintenance. Sounds lovely right? Naw, nope, no! My hair is so thick that when it gross my scalp is tender to the touch, and as previously mentioned, I’m natural, no relaxer, no chaser. Getting my hair blow dryed IS…A…PAIN. My scalp always gets burned, and it takes forever. But I like the volume and texture of my hair in its natural state, and that’s why I don’t go running for the chemicals.

So why am I considering cutting it all off? I think it’s time for me to let go of the notion that my beauty lies in my hair. I have this very vain, Eurocentric excuse of being afraid that I will not draw the attention of men anymore if I cut my hair short. I know, I know, that’s stupid, but there is a slither of validity to my point. I was talking to a male friend of mine and he said “ Why would you wanna do something foolish like that for?” LOL, thanks for the support (insert sarcasm here). But really, I’m sure you’ve heard too. Black men do NOT seem to be happy with this “short hair, don’t care” trend of women cutting their hair off. No man wants to be with a woman who looks like a man, fair enough, but to sum up femininity in a woman’s hair doesn’t seem fair (more on that in a later post). This reminds me of a skit on T.I.'s King album starring Mike Epps, where he comments on a woman's short hair as "looking like a dirty tennis ball," (yeah I laughed when I heard it cause it was funny). It used to be that the last thing a woman wanted someone to call her other than he "b word," was bald-headed.

Sidebar: In my personal opinion, I think short hair is beautiful, period.

I doubt Kayne thinks Amber looks like a boy

I understand it’s a huge trend right now; I’m pretty tired of seeing Rihanna rooster dos myself, but lets ask ourselves this: why is this so popular right now?? Why are more and more women feeling the need to shed their locks? I remember the days of every chick looking the same in music videos (they still do really), but when Amber Rose appeared in Ludacris’s video for “What Them Girls Like,” it was a much needed breath of fresh air.


Chrisette Michele circa 2009

We could turn this into a conversation of natural versus relaxed hair, or long versus short, pretty versus ugly, or whatever. It’s really just a personal preference. I know I refuse to follow a trend just cause everyone else is doing it, so maybe I’m holding off on cutting anything right now, but good luck to those who do ☺


Even celebrity babies are doing it! Left to right: Magic Johnson's daughter, Scary Spice's daughter & Jada/Will's daughter

I wish I would see this on the street, HAHA!

The staple for the short do

Once she got this bob, it was over, scissors out everywhere

P.S. Thanks to Black Celebrity Kids for the pic of the kiddies. I love Willow Smith's swagger & to Dead Azz Wrong for the "bangs" pic, haha

Is He Was Willing To "Cry For You"??

2010-04-19T00:01:00.003-05:00

While listening to the blaring stereo of the neighbor across the street, my mom and I started to have a conversation about music. It just so happens that the neighbor was listening to some old, back in the day, dark basement party, cut that my mom was reminiscing about. To me it just sounded like a whiny, weak woman breakup song, but then my mom made the point that the music of today is void of real emotional content. Think about it, rather than claiming our emotions and dealing with them like mature, healthy individuals, we hide behind masks and thus create baggage our of emotions we’re too ashamed to deal with…stop and think about it (insert “to the left, to the left here”).

So in the spirit of my mom’s jam One Less Bell to Answer by 5^th Dimension (peep vid below), here is my list of awesome breakup songs of this (and the previous) generation.

Al Green-How Can You Mend A Broken Heart: Most notably this was the song playing in the Sex in the City movie when it was New Year's Eve when they showed how everyone was spending the holiday and everyone but Charlotte was miserable. I love Al Green, period.

Jill Scott-My Love: Don't even get me started on how this spoke to my SOUL during a rough patch.

Mariah Carey-Shake It Off: I just like the cute lil girl in this video ::shoulder shrug::

Alicia Keys ft. John Mayer-Lesson Learned: I love the moral of this song; chalk it up as a lesson learned.

Adele-Chasing Pavement: If you were sleep on Adele, please take this as your official wake up call.

Anthony Hamilton-Charlene, I’m A Mess, Lucille: This trifecta that is Ant Ham really needs no explanation.

Algebra-What Happened

Eric Roberson-Only For You: Sorry for the crappy quality, but TRUST this song is TRUTH

Boyz II Men-Water Runs Dry

Brandy-I Tried

Dru Hill-We’re Not Making Love

Jodeci-Cry For You: ::SIGH:: ...Don't talk, just listen

Honorable Mentions:

Ginuwine-Crying Out: 100% was MY album!

Ray J-One Wish: Click here for dope choreo by Andrew Baterina of SoReal Cru.

Bobby Valentino-Turn the Page: Shout out to Brian Puspos of SoReal Cru for more great choreo.

Didn't see your favorite breakup song? Did I leave something off the list? Feel free to let me know by commenting below :)

Music 101: Monica Ain't Make That

2010-04-12T21:58:00.000-05:00

It truly bothers me that this day's generation has no since of history. These are the kids who were walking around believing that Michael Jackson took "Mama Se, Mama Sa, Mama Coo Sa" from Rihanna and/or Akon (Convict!), ::shake my head::

So I've decided to help education the babies...

First up, Monica's "Everything to Me"...

I recognized the sample for this song from my childhood. It's not one of my mom's favorite songs, but it played on a compilation CD that we used as a background noise for Saturday morning clean up time. The original song is called "Silly" and it's by Denise Williams (peep clip below). The melody is classic, the ending is classic, so Monica really took a gamble with this one. Not every remake is worthy of fruition (case and point "We Are The World 2010"), but Monica (and Missy Elliot) did this song justice :) (I'm sure Denise doesn't mind collecting on the royalty checks either)

Music Bonus:
I was JAMMIN' in the car to this today. The break down is so sincere! For my 20-30 something readers, does this melody sound familiar to you?? Why did my slow but just realize this year that the melody was sampled, haha; you gotta bear with me sometimes.

Is His Career "Over" Before It Even Really Started?

2010-04-12T20:04:00.000-05:00

Drakey Pooh (thats my lil pet name for my boo), has a new (and IMPROVED) music video out today for his single "Over." What are your thoughts?

Sidebar: Notice how for a second he starts hopping on that good knee. That's what universal health care gets you (score one for Canada!).

Summer Time Chi!!!

2010-04-12T07:22:00.000-05:00

With everyone anticipating the arrival of warm weather, I thought I'd making a video to warn of the impending dangers of summer.

Sidebar: As the sun starts to shine a little more, women with facial hair might want to fix that before they get caught sitting on the side of the bus being hit with direct sun light. Just a thought...lol:)

What A Year of Drake Has Taught Me…

2010-03-30T21:26:00.002-05:00

I thought I was done with having crushes years ago, but then last year I found myself staring at my own reflection in a mirror, trying to find the courage to mutter the truth: I have a crush on Drake…well for now anyway cause I’m not too sure I’m liking this new guy that’s emerged since signing with Young Money, but I digress. …I decided that I’ll share some of the things I’ve learned from listening to Drake on repeat for almost a year (smh)…

Men are more sensitive than they let on (Brand New): I guess we can chalk this all up to male ego…then again, who needs to know about everything someone’s ex used to do. I know I don’t need that info.

Men can do some spiteful/trifflin’ stuff (Stunt On You): There’s a line in the movie The Godfather, where Don Corleone is explaining to his son Michael that, “I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can be careless. But not men.” I agree with the godfather here. In my opinion there are certain things I just don’t think are acceptable for men to do, and being spiteful is one of them. Save the games for your baby mama.

Guys like a girl with some sort of goals, dreams, plans…and an appreciation for one dollar bills (Houstonatlantavegas): I’ve actually learned from personal experience that men enjoying dealing with a woman that has some type of goals for her life. I mean, think about it, would you want to deal with someone who lived hopelessly, and lived complacently? I’m attracted to men that have drive, so complacency is my kryptonite.

With all the energy we put into trying to get ahead and build careers, sometimes you need a night off (A Night Off): I’ve been in relationships where my significant other was so caught up in his career or trying to get ahead that I’ve felt neglected (not good). You can’t forget those that are actually in your corner. …You may actually want to check this joint out for yourself. It’s so, “…now coming to center stage we have Deliciouuusss!!” haha, greatness.

**sidebar: was I the only one who thought there was a female on this track when it was really just Lloyd?

Sometimes we could’ve prevented losing “the one that got away” (Sooner Than Later): In retrospect, most things are seen in 20/20. With that said, no your ex wasn’t blowing it out of proportion when you showed up to her birthday party drunk, trying to tuck dollars into her grandmother’s blouse while yelling “take it off!”

Sweat pants, hair tied, chilling with no make up on, that’s when I’m the prettiest…(Best I Ever Had): Agreed, I’m glad you’ve come to your senses.

**Sidebar: I'm not posting that crap of a video that Kanye directed, boo that mess!

One night stands work for some people (Bria’s Interlude): I’m not one of those people. There’s no way in the world you could try to convince me that no one gets hurt in that type of situation. If not emotionally hurt, then the chick is definitely gonna try to write a book about her experience with Drake (shout out to groupie tales & the original go getter, Karrine Steffans).

No one really wants to be the first one to say “it” (A Little Bit Remix): I’ve never been the first to say I Love You. Those are some mighty big words, and I can say with certainty that I’ve never been in the kinda of love worthy of saying those 3 words. I’m JUST now learning what love really is, and really it’s more about actions than words…go figure ::shrug::

Apparently all the rules go out the window when you date a model/stripper/girl with a pretty face/girl with a big butt… (Every song he’s made…more specifically Unstoppable): Umm, no side notes. That’s pretty self-explanatory.

Momma, I'mma Be on TV!!

2010-03-27T18:14:00.001-05:00

So in a previous post I mentioned that I was going to check out a Mali Music concert this month. I did, and "awesome" can't even begin to describe it. If you ever hear about him coming to a stage near you, check'em out.
After deciding to join Mali's fan page on Facebook, I saw a post he made regarding a music video shoot he was doing here in Chicago. The above video is me trying to sum up that experience, haha.
If you've never heard of Mali Music click here, or here, or here. Enjoy the blurry pictures below :)

I snuck pictures at the concert. Only 2 tho, cause I tapped in after that.

You can kinda slightly see him, haha.

On set waiting for everyone else to show up.

More waiting

Mali Music! ...He touched my arm!!!

More waiting...

Come be my Lil Freak

2010-03-24T22:22:00.000-05:00

So Usher's video for the song Lil Freak (feat Nicki Minaj) was FINALLY released. I was waiting for this video for what seems like forever. The track goes so hard! (Big ups to Stevie Wonder for the sample)

...To be honest there was a lot here that I could've done without. I think a different "main chick" should've been used. It was cute having Nicki do Usher's dirty work, but I know I wouldn't have followed her crazy butt nowhere using all them deranged facial expressions (that's just logic, that wasn't even a critique of the video, sorry). I was perfectly fine without Usher "dancing" but he tried to sneak it in anyway at the end of the video...to each his own.

This video was trying too hard for me. I actually saw a sexier version of this song the other day on Facebook, check it out here (shout out to Victor Jackson II on the choreography!).

Sidebar: Other than myself and a handful of other adults, who is actually watching music videos these days? I mean, the programming used to showcase music videos is on during the day when most adults are at work or at least not at home, so that would leave children/adolescents left right? So, why are music videos so hypersexual and stylized if essentially they're only being made to be watched by children?...

...These are just my thoughts, feel free to share yours in the comment section :)

Hey Usher! Hey Chris Brown! …Please grow a pair!

2010-03-16T22:09:00.003-05:00

Dear Chris Brown,

Your name has come up recently in the media due to a plea you put out on Say Now to your fans (for reference http://www.saynow.com/cbreezy), a call to action if u will. Now, I usually try to stay out of “Rihanna-ian/Chris Brownian” debates, but this time I had to throw in my two cents on the matter of your music “career”.

In your Say Now message (as seen below thanks to: Necole Bitchie.com: Chris Brown Needs Help….), you say,

I ain’t never really did this but right now I need all of my fans help. A lot of radio stations aren’t playing my records. They are not being that supportive and I wouldn’t expect them to. It’s on the fans and what you guys do in your power to bring me back. That’s all I need is you guys and nothing else will do that except for the fans.

I don’t know what else to say. It’s nothing else that I can do. I’m doing everything that I need to do. I’m doing me as a person and I’m a better guy.

It’s on ya’ll. My singing and my music I do it for you guys and everything else but it won’t be possible if I’m not relevant on the radio and it wouldn’t be possible for me to be an artist if I don’t have the support. I can’t be an underground mixtape artist. That’s where we are. I just want all my fans to help me. I love ya’ll. Peace

I really don’t think you’re in a position to say anything about your relevance right now. I’m not sure if you know this or not, but your fall from grace may be a little steeper than you realize. Essentially, you have to start from square one again…think back to the days before you had a deal: singing in school talent shows and dancing at birthday parties. You may feel as if you’ve done the necessary steps to repent for your actions (thanks in part to court mandated counseling and community service), but really that’s not for you to decide. Unfortunately your success is determined by the general public, not just your family, friends or the few fans you have left (no offense to C. Breezy fans out there). You have to prove yourself, your growth, and your maturity to the world.

Both you and Rihanna had albums come out around the same time frame. And as a byproduct of such, you knew press had to be done for said albums in order for them to be successful. The infamous picture has already leaked out, and the situation hit a seriousness that you weren’t expecting. So you apologized, and even sat through a couple awkward interviews thinking that would do the trick (this is where your management team TOTALLY dropped the ball).

Rihanna gave her side, and you gave us bow ties. I feel as if it was too soon for you to start talking. It was too soon for you to put out an album. Guess you figured, you could go back to business as usual, or if she could do it then you could too. As you’re experiencing now, it’s not that easy. It was easier for her of course because the public likes stories of triumph. We like rooting for the under dog.

Instead of an album, my suggestion was that you take some time off, enroll in college, gather some more life experiences, and give both yourself and the public some time to breathe. I really think that would’ve been the best thing for you, but since you didn’t take that route, you must play the hand you’re dealt, so STOP COMPLAINING!

Wal-Mart isn’t stocking your cd, radio aren’t playing your music, and your public image is shot. Deal with the realities of the situation. It’s not all bad though because you have an EXTRA DOPE mixtape (“In My Zone” stays on repeat on my iPod, no lie!). The song and video for your single “Crawl” were right on target (though it would’ve been more effective if you left the dancing out that go round). You just have to learn to work with what you have. ::PAUSE right here. This is the part of the letter where you call up Usher on the phone and read the rest out loud to him cause he could use this information::

You will not make it back to the top of your game using the same methods as before. It just ain’t gonna work. We (the public) look at you differently now. You’re not squeaky clean, bubble gum, jail-bait, milk mustache wearing, Sesame Street singing Chris Brown anymore (and Usher you’re hardly the charming, svelte, young bachelor you used to be. An ex wife and two kids means you CAN NOT sing songs like Daddy’s Home to me. You have child support payments now.).

Chris, here are my suggestions to you…take a page from Michael Vick’s playbook and visit schools (middle school, high school, and colleges) talking openly about domestic abuse and prevention of dating violence. Promote the mess out of your mixtape (you may not want to be a mixtape artist, but negro that’s all you got right now, so you better ride the wave). Start performing on college campuses (college students are some of THE most loyal dedicated fans you could ever find). Unfortunately you missed Homecoming season, but I think you could still make it work. Start doing interviews on college radio stations (they’ll play your music). Collaborate with as many people as you can, ride some coat tails. …Just a couple of ideas. You must remember to stay HUMBLE and hungry.

Usher, you on the other hand are extra grown and can’t really use the suggestions I made for Chris (though a lecture on preventative measures on avoiding gold diggers could be helpful for some). This issue I’m having with you is your subject matter. Your songs as of late…well, they suck. Unfortunately, Trey Songz has stolen your shine and a lot of your female followers. You need to appeal to a new fan base. You picked up a lot of male fans with your Confessions album: go back to that honesty and that truth. I don’t need to hear about you looking for a “Lil Freak” and please no more “Love in the Club”. We’re beyond that: we have a Black president, and Jesus is two seconds from coming back.

All in all guys, I just want to see you make it. I don’t want to see your hard work be in vain, plus I really don’t want to see any more public pleas and I felt Usher was registering for a Say Now account just for that very reason. Remember, the internet is our friend (UStream, Twitter, Facebook, Chatroulet, Youtube, etc.), so use it wisely.

Here’s wishing you luck!

Peace & Blessings,

Chi Chick <3

Photo credit to OMG! and Flikr's Blue Diamond2008

Freedom Tour with Miss Alicia Keys

2010-03-07T14:14:00.000-06:00

Thanks to an awesome Christmas gift from my Dad, I was fortunate enough to have the ability to attend the Alicia Keys concert last Wednesday. Opening acts included Melanie Fiona and Robin Thicke (in that order). ...Do I even need to say it? I guess I have to for the record...it was fantastic!

Let's start with Miss Melanie...

After a dinner at Red Lobster with my Pops (my date for the evening), I walked in to her singing "Give It to Me Right" (my jam!!!). I tell you, that girl has some voice on her! I have a feeling that she's gonna be around for a while :) Check out Melanie's album The Bridge on Amazon.com.

I got a little nervous as the stage crew was setting up Robin Thicke's set because the light projection on the curtains read "Sex Therapy"...mind you, I'm sitting next to my dad. But it wasn't that bad at all. Robin did a lil moaning and groaning into the mic as an intro to his single Sex Therapy AND asked where all the bad girls were before singing "Teach You a Lesson" (my CUT off of the Evolution of Robin Thicke album!), but other than that, it was fine. My dad gave Robin a 10/10.

My favorite part had to have been before Robin Thicke left the stage and he performed a verse of Lil Wayne's "Amilli". Talk about RANDOM and great!

...Oh, and the moment we were all waiting for, Ms. Keys!!! She opened the show with my joint, "Love is Blind," off of her latest album The Element of Freedom. Let's just get this out of the way now, homegirl is gorgeous. Proactiv really did moisturize her situation and preserve her sexy (shout out to Diddy for the quote).

Alicia's intro onto the stage

You already know the music was tight! Alicia is mean on them keys! It got to a point where she walked over to a keyboard, knocked over the chair that was in front of it, and went IN on the keyboard. My dad gave Alicia a "...I would pick her over Beyonce any day," well alrighty then!

Alicia Keys singing "Diary"

All in all the show was great. There was dancing, some philanthropy (Keep a Child Alive), a man was arrested in the section below ours: a lot was just going on. I apologize for the quality of my camera phone pics, but you get the idea. Next concert on the list Mali Music (I can't wait!!).

Oh! And don't forget to hit me up on formspring.com with any questions. Click here to get the asking :)

MALI MUSIC is a BEAST!

2010-03-05T10:42:00.001-06:00

"Faith comes by hearing..."(Romans 10:17) is a scripture that my pastor has said time and time again in reference to studying the word. I can testify on just how important it is to keep a scripture on your heart as well as on your lips, and how in doing so, you begin to manifest the will of God in your life (let me pull up from the pulpit before I start typing in tongues).

Since I am a music freak, it's only natural that would have a ever growing collection of gospel music. The newest album in my collection has literally been on repeat for a straight week. Ladies and gentlemen I give you: Mali Music!

Okay, so I'm a little late on this one, my bad! But that doesn't stop the music from being any less fantastic. I actually only decided to check out the album when I saw that he was going to be performing later this month in my area, and I was intrigued by the promotion for the event. After indulging in this album 24/7, I'm looking forward to the concert!

Of course I had to Youtube him (it's what I do!), and I found this gem! Enjoy!

How to Spot Bulls**t: A Life Lesson

2010-02-27T16:29:00.000-06:00

If you haven’t noticed, must of my blog posts originate from conversations that I’ve had with friends, family, or myself (sometimes I need to talk things out). This post is no exception…

I believe that as we go through life, there are certain rites of passage that everyone must go through in order to obtain their “I am an adult” certificate; i.e., struggling to make ends meet, going through heartbreak, having a pregnancy scare, getting drunk, so on and so forth. I also believe that there are certain things that a woman must learn in order to become better woman in life (think the evolution of Mary J. Blige), i.e., learn how to walk in heels, love yourself, love your sister, and so on. Today, I’m going to be talking about a life lesson that saves lives: how to detect bulls**t.

There’s no other word for it. There are those people out there that will lie to you, waste your time, manipulate you, talk in circles, purposely withhold the truth from you, and use you, and the only honest way to describe such behavior is to call it what it is. A true, mature adult can spot it a mile away (I know my Mama and my Grandma can call out some mess in a heartbeat, honey), but that’s a skill that comes only through experience. I haven’t really had too many experiences in life, BUT those that I have had, I’ve learned great lessons from (and really, that’s how you grow in life).

One eventful night a few weeks back I’m chatting with a girlfriend on Facebook, when all of a sudden my phone goes off. It was a text from an ex. Not just any ex, but one of THE exes: you know, one of those “special” individuals whose presence or absence in your life made a DRAMATIC effect on your personal growth.

I’ve learned A LOT about myself, and the possible mindsets of people in general, from this one individual. We really don’t speak to one another all that often, but when we do it’s never negative (the past, is the past correct?), and I got mad love for him (as I do for most people I allow into my life). But he is who the rest of mankind can thank for teaching me how to spot bulls**t. Case in point, our text conversation from the night in question can be summarized into these main points:

He slept with some chick that was bad in bed…and now all of a sudden he’s texting me;
He wants to see me;
He doesn’t want a relationship, he’s trying to get himself together BUT if something just so happens to pop off between him and I (sex), he’s not gonna turn it down;
I’m ONE of the girls he can see himself with cause he “enjoys” me; and
He has no problem flying here or flying me out to him just for sex.

For clarification purposes you should know that he and I live in different states…plus we’ve never slept together (another topic, for another day).

The main points mentioned were the result of a conversation that spanned a few hours. Of course all kinds of compliments were given and small talk was made before one of the aforementioned gems was dropped into my ear. My experiences with my ex have taught me a few things. I’ve learned that in relationships you MUST be an ACTIVE listener. Being an active listener means you do exactly how the term is title, you listen. As Wikipedia put it;

“Active Listening is not just an automatic response to sounds. It requires a listener to understand, interpret, and evaluate what he or she heard.”

You may be wondering what merit do I have to be able to judge something as bulls**t or not. Well if the words aren’t backed by action, I usually consider that as crap. Now, if this was a year or two ago, the things my ex told me wouldn’t have stuck out to me, BUT because mentally I’m in a whole ‘nother place on this dating game, I’m inclined to call out bulls**t when I see it.

So what happens when you call someone out? Depends on the person you’re dealing with. Calling someone out doesn’t take loud tones, cursing, yelling, neck rolling, none of that. The purpose of me calling someone out isn’t to make them feel bad, but really to show them that there was no need to be so secretive in the first place. I admire honesty and I encourage it, so let’s be real with one another.

Now you may notice that once everything is in the open and cleared, some bs-ers tend to cower at truth and honesty. So after you’ve called them out on their crap, they tend to become very sensitive/fragile. It’s like if you’ve come home to a dog that has gone through the garbage, or chewed up your shoes, or messed in the house, and as soon as you walk in, they cower and duck because they just KNOW that you’re going to punish them…yup, bs-ers are the same way. But it’s not about punishment. It’s now up to you to decide what you want to do with this relationship: walk away or make it work.

If you’ve ever noticed when drama hits the fan, some people can’t be found? That right there ladies and gentleman is a bs-er move. There really is no preventative measure that can be taken to ensure that you’re not hurt before something like this happens, but take a mental note for next time that “insert person’s name here,” can’t be trusted. That might not be a person that you want to keep around (something to think about).

So, what did we learn today? It’s okay to speak up and demand honesty, you deserve it. When you’re making yourself emotionally volunerable to someone else, it is not okay for them to take advantage of you. And active listening is a skill to be practiced and perfected. With that said, I want to warn bulls**ters everywhere that you’re days are numbered!

P.S. Special thanks to sheknows.com for the pic!

"This is boo-weather":My FEBRUARY in pictures

2010-02-25T17:12:00.003-06:00


Basically this is what all of Chicago looks like. I call this "Boo Weather". Winter is only for couples and polar bears.

"Are you ready for some football?!?!" The Super Bowl Sunday Feast. Two (2) more tables of deliciousness not pictured.

What work looks like these days...yeah...


		Nothing like a "restroom" train. There was more "goodness" at the other end of the train.

I've always wondered why this was on the bottom of the Forever 21 bag. If you know why, please enlighten me.

Obviously I had some cleaning to do (an understatement).

...throw in a wild orgy, a DUI, and a couple "close calls" and that's pretty much my February LOL :)

Man Up Single People! (V-Day for Singles)

2010-02-12T23:03:00.001-06:00

It's a single's favorite time of year:Valentine's Day!!! (hahaha). Let's not be bitter this year single people. Don't hate on friends that you know you won't hear from this weekend cause they'll be boo'd up, or throw bread sticks at the couples surrounding your table at Olive Garden. More importantly DON'T call an ex just cause you're feeling lonely (they're an ex for a reason remember). It's really not the serious. It's just a day.

Though it's a day of innocent intentions (celebrating love), it's a little too commercial and contrived for me. Valentine's Day is a day to thank those that love you, and show them that you appreciate them. It was love that had your Mama fixing you soup when you were sick with the Swine Flu earlier this year. And love is the reason why your Granddaddy keeps asking you when you're going to give him and your Grandmama some grandbabies. These are people that just want to see you happy. So show them a little love on the 14th.

If you're still a little down or don't know what to do with yourself this weekend, here are some ideas:

- Take yourself to the moves (better idea: go see a chick flick with a group of your girlfriends).

- Go out to your favorite restaurant (better idea: to your favorite relative or friend out to dinner).

- Treat yourself to a new pair of shoes.

- There are plenty of singles parties this weekend; find one.

- Treat yourself to some pampering (get the professional massage you've always wanted).

- Get a new haircut/hairstyle/hair color.

- Buy an ice cream cake just for you.

- Go on a "cutie run" a la "Let's Talk About Pep"

- Check out a new bar/club/lounge.

- Go to a museum or art gallery.

- Go to church!...

My list can go on and on, but the point I'm trying to make here is, don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself this weekend. Get up! Go out! Be happy your single, if not for the freedom of it, then celebrate the fact that you get to keep money in your pocket by not having to buy a gift! :D

BTW thanks to sesquipedalian514' s for the cool pic

I Love Jackie...

2010-02-06T10:37:00.000-06:00

I'm a big fan of SoReal Cru, and they're latest video featuring choreography by member Jackie Lautchang is gorgeous! I love Jackie for this!...and also Mauika Hicks, Falon Johnson, AIlyn Isidro and
Lori Mallini. Peep the vid below :)

2010 Life Update...Singing Out of my Comfort Zone

2010-02-05T23:31:00.001-06:00

Here's a life update...about a month ago, a friend of mine asked me to sing back up for her for an event she was having. The idea made me nauseous. I was used to singing as part of a choir. In that atmosphere I was able to blend in and even hide behind everyone else. I got super nervous just thinking about it, but I also knew she was in a jam and really needed my help. So after sleeping on it, and receiving an inspirational word from @RevRunWisdom the next morning, I decided to do it.

I'm happy I decided to do it. I had a ball!! I thank her for the opportunity and I'm humbled that she even considered me for the part. So I encourage others to take leaps out of their comfort zone this year. As I like to say, stepping out of your comfort zone is only stepping out on faith :)

If you'd like to know more about my super talented friend Jade, check her out at http://www.myspace.com/glamdivaj

Train Spotting

2010-02-05T23:03:00.000-06:00

You may not know this about me, but if I see something odd while I'm out and about, I tend to try to get a picture of it. Most of the things I catch take place on the train, for example,

this fine photograph to the right. Note the bare behind of the woman on the jacket. Also the license plate on the car says "Perry Ellis" (though I highly doubt that's who made this wonderful jacket). Can't judge a book by it's cover though because when it was time to board the bus, Mr. Mac Daddy stepped aside to let me board before him. Surprise, surprise, mac daddies have manners.

"My boyfriend is being a jerk...can you come cover tonight?"

2010-01-29T19:19:00.005-06:00

Recently I’ve started making an active effort to break a bad habit of mine. You see, sometimes I like to occupy my time with what I call “busy work”. Remember back when you were in elementary school and the last day of school would come around and for some reason the teacher still had you doing worksheets or some other basic crap that really had no affect on your final grade, but she made the whole class work on it anyway (knowing she had no real lesson plan prepared)? Well that was busy work. It was inane then, and it’s inane now.

The only difference between that form of busy work and my own interpretation of such, is that mine is in reference to people. My girlfriends laugh at the description because usually it’s in reference to men. Like most women (people in generally really), I never liked being lonely. So to defeat this issue I would keep me some “busy work” on tap.

These are people in your life that to you are merely supplementary. It’s a relationship of an unrequited circumstance. For example, maybe you tried dating this person once (if things even got that far), and you weren’t really feeling them, but for some odd reason you keep them around…on second thought, you know why you keep them around.

In my own life, these were men whose numbers either were never saved in my phone because I never felt it necessary to make that commitment, or they’re saved under some dumb nickname that I came up with because again, I didn’t feel it necessary to actually have their name in my phone (bad I know). Whenever I would get bored, lonely, or upset at the man I was actually dating, I would call up some “busy work” to distract me from my reality.

These kinds of relationships usually do nothing but stroke the ego. The men I dealt with would tell me I’m attractive, smart or funny, which a few years back were things I wasn’t used to hearing from the opposite sex. I was using these men to temporarily mend my own unresolved issues (not cool).

Having “busy work” isn’t just restricted to romantic relationships. Friends can fall into this category as well. I’m sure some of you out there only hang out with that one particular friend because she has a car, or always pays for drinks when you go out together, or when you stand next to her you’re the “pretty one”. Please don’t even get me STARTED on the whole “friends with benefits” topic (the ULTIMATE “busy work” relationship).

I’m happy that today I can say that kind of behavior is in my past. I have no need for a distraction to take my attention away from my single circumstance. A lot of honest reflection and maturity were needed on my part to resolve this issue. Some deleting and reorganizing of the phone needed to be done along with getting my priorities together. This wasn't anything I did on my own either. I've had a few arguments with a few individuals about how I was treating them that also helped to propel my rehabilitation. No one ever wants to feel or be used.

Relations (platonic and romantic based) are better when based on authentic connections rather than trivial means. You see I’m waiting for Mr. Right, but he will never be able to find me if I’m being childish and occupying my time with Mr. For Right Now. Like I said earlier in this post "busy work" is inane, so don't think you're doing yourself any favors keeping yourself "busy".

BTW: thanks to dshanfoto on Flickr for the awesome foto!

"...We can't date, cause you have female tendencies..."

2010-01-24T16:03:00.000-06:00

“…You take time getting ready, and you lotion, plus your voice also isn’t as deep as my other dude’s voice. I mean, that’s not what a man does in my opinion. …You also take my no’s’ for no’s, when they’re really yes’s. I think you have some female tendencies…”

I actually laughed when a friend of mine quoted this mess to me as part of conversation he has with a girl he was dating recently (needless to say they’re not dating anymore). It was after talking to him about this young woman and other similar comments, that I was inspired to write about this.

“I only date tall guys,” is a statement that I’ve heard many times from various friends over the years. Either all of my friends are chasing the same tall, dark, degreed, passionate, stylish, emotionally available man, OR there is a hidden island of the aforementioned “perfect” specimen. Either way, this leaves me question whether having such specific desires/requirements actually kill ones chances for finding love. I mean really, when it comes to love, do we know what we need or only what we think we want?

When it comes to the actual choosing of a mate, my mom tends to say “if he appeals to your fleshy self, then God didn’t pick him for you, you picked him for you”. What she means by this is that if you’re only dating someone because they have hazel eyes, “good hair”, a nice car, a decent salary, or what have you, then you used he wrong merits to select a partner, and as a result don’t expect it to last because “ain’t no God in that,” (another mom quote; wise woman).

Lets be honest, most people have their own individualized list of turn-ons due to their own life experiences. In high school, one of my good friends had a thing for guys in pea coats and clean Timberland boots (::shaking my head:: we were so juvenile). To this day I have a thing for men in sweat pants (couldn’t tell you where that came from)…wait let me clarify… men of athletic build in sweat pants. Though that may tickle my fancy, that isn’t to say that if approached by a man in skinny jeans…wait not skinny jeans…umm, khakis, that I would turn him down (there is a strong possibility that I would turn down a man in skinny jeans, sorry Kanye).

In his book The Conversation: How Black Men and Woman Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships, Hill Harper approaches the topic of commitment with a group of men, and the answers were pretty insightful. When asked what do men look for when deciding to commit or not, Calvin had an interesting answer:

“Calvin: Experience is the best teacher. Even for men who use the “I don’t see myself ever getting married” bomb, I have seen that a real good women will change your mind in most cases. They will help you be a better person, but the whole concept of relationships is so mythological that we fall in love with the concept of love, not knowing what we really need in a partner. In my opinion, this is he main reason for so many failed marriages and way more failed relationships.” (pg. 116).

Now, what stood out to me about Calvin’s answer was the description of relationships as being a mythological concept. I agree with that claim. For some, a relationship (and especially the idea of marriage) is all about what has been dreamed up in somebody’s head. Relationships are tough! In high school I used to wish and dream of having a boyfriend. And I thought he would be perfect, and say cute little things like they did on TV, and bring me cute little gifts just because, and everything would be cute and perfect! Then eventually I got a boyfriend…reality went against everything I was dreaming up in 5th period pre-calculus.

I have this canned answer that I use when guys ask me what I look for in a man. It goes a little something like this, “…honestly, I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for, but I’m waiting on the man that possesses everything God knows I need.” (Good stuff ain’t it? You’re free to use that if you need to). Though it’s my reserved line, it is my honest belief. I believe I’ll need to date in the same fashion that I picked a dress for my senior prom; try everything, until I find something that takes my breath away.

By the way nothing against Pharrell,
Thanks to singersroom.com for the pic :)

Visions of a Dreamer

2010-01-10T19:13:00.010-06:00

I am a firm believer in the power of the spoken word. "Imagine it, believe it, say it, have it," as Pastor Bill Winston once declared. But sometimes in life people lose sight of the goal. It is so easy to become distracted by problems, circumstances and obligations, that our dreams become deferred. Enter, the vision board.

A vision board (or goal map, or dream board) is a collage of images and words that represent the goals and desires of the board's creator. The board is simply an aid in helping to manifest what it is that you want to do or achieve, by keeping your goals in the forefront of your mind.

Last year, my family and I each made our own boards and placed them in our hallway so that we would see them everyday (pictures of the boards are below).

We included goals that we had for that year, as well as things we wanted out of life. On my board I tried to include pictures that represented not only goals, but also feelings, events, and ideas that I wanted to incorporate into my life.

Recently I decided, new year, new dream board. So I created a new one and placed it in a location that I stare at for hours on end everyday; my laptop (picture below). Using pictures from various websites, along with inspirational words and scripture, I created a dream board that I have now made my desktop wallpaper.

Now, I doubt I'll get married this year (though you never know), but I do believe that my dream board will grant me the ability to channel positive energy into certain areas of my life, thus causing a kind of "law of attraction" effect. So, if I keep a smile on my face and some pep in my step, I just may catch the attention of the cute guy I share the train with in the morning...and if not, that's okay too :)

P.S. Just wanted to thank Clutch Magazine (clutchmagonline.com), The Onion, Greenhouse Holistic (greenhouseholistic.com), faith and health connection (faithandhealthconnection.org), pickthebrain.com, and Benjamin! and Yokviv on flickr.com for the awesome pictures.

Resolutions need Motivation, Inspiration & Determination

2009-12-31T14:33:00.011-06:00

I’m not really one for making New Year’s resolutions. My logic? Well, I don’t think you should wait until a new year approaches in order to get yourself together. I’m not really one for waiting until Monday rolls around before I start a diet, or wait until next month to start going to the gym. Why not just do it now?

At the same time, I can’t knock people for wanting to make better strides in the new year. Nothing wrong with wanting to progress. And if a resolution or two helps with that, then it’s cool in my book.

So with that in mind I got the thinking: what do I want to do differently in 2010? And here’s what I came up with…

- Dedicate more time & energy to my blog!- I really enjoy having a blog. Sometimes life gets so busy for me though that I just don’t have the time to do it all, and the blog is usually what ends up suffering. I will correct this in 2010 by setting time aside for just me and my blog; a blogging schedule if you will.

- Learn how to read/interpret/use the Bible- During church service, I can usually follow along with the pastor as he reads different passages and such, but I’d really love to learn how to go to the Bible on my own to find what I need. I’m sure that comes with practice, but I’m eager to learn.

- Stick to my guns!- You know the little voice in your head that tells you the right thing to do? In the movies they depict it as an angel standing on one of your shoulders. On a couple of occasions I’ve flicked the angel right off of my shoulder, and ate the piece of triple chocolate cake anyway, or called a particular someone knowing good and well I should just leave well enough alone. I’m tired of backsliding, so in 2010 I will try my very best to stick to my first mind…sounds like I’m backing out of this one already, Lol!

Those were just a couple of my goals for 2010. Here are a few more:

- Travel more (or at least get out of the state)

- Take better care of myself (I need more sleep!)

- Spend more time with friends

- Dance!

- Cook (I need to learn that “keep a man” meal, LOL)

- Read more

- Learn to drive :-/

The best method for insuring positive change is to have motivation or inspiration for said change; something for you to hold on to when things get tough. Below are some inspiring quotes from both @RevRunWisdom and @TheDailyLove from Twitter:

@RevRunWisdom:

…Stop! Being competitive with others…And just try to be a better u!!

…I breathe life into my vision, and create the life I desire (power thought).

…Be you. Everyone else is taken-Oscar Wilde

…You are a walking message! What message are you sending? Turn your mess into a message now!!!!

…Go where ur celebrated not where ur tolerated

…Each time we face out fear we gain strength, courage, and confidence…Be great!

@TheDailyLove:

…Breakdowns & break ups are break throughs & rebirths. See whats happening as a miracle pushing u towards greatness!

…Someone's gotta be happy, it might as well be YOU!!!!!

…Why hold onto the past when the future holds many amazing potentials? Let go of whatever doesnt serve your Happiness!

If that’s not enough to move you, check out this great Youtube video from Erin over at Scandalous Beauty (@ErinScandalous on Twitter).

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!